Love —A Word That Comes And Goes

Valentine's Day is always one of the calendar's unique holidays. This holiday, while designed to celebrate the concept of love, usually turns into emotional extremes for most people. Either you're in love on this day or so far away from love that this day is more about pain than pleasure. In any event, we are all affected on this day.

I happen to be the only member of the Gospelflava.com staff who is single [Editor's note: at least he was when he wrote this!], so my perspective comes from thatLove of one looking for love. The key to finding this love, however, is to not look for it. I know that sounds strange but recently, I have learned a thing or two about love. For one, love is a word (and an emotion) that comes and goes.

In the church arena, Valentine's Day is often an opportunity for couples to celebrate and singles to congregate. Many churches will have dinners, dating games, and other assorted functions to keep the minds, hearts, and emotions of the single Christian occupied.

While the intents behind these activities are good, these same functions may pacify and even attempt to mask the real issues that we deal with on this holiday. I know that many have had broken hearts over the last few years and seem to always be alone on Valentine's Day. Others often try to act as though companionship is not an issue for them. However, as Dawkins and Dawkins once said, "Everybody needs somebody and wants to be loved by somebody."

As single Christians, we stand in an area that is unique to most. Many of us desire lifetime mates with which to share our world. Some try to take the "deeply spiritual" approach and state that they only want Jesus and no one else. To all I say, don't be afraid to tell the truth. Let's be real about what it is that we want.

The singles in the world will lay it on the line and be direct. Truthfully, we all want to be loved and we want to give love. No one wants to be alone all of their lives. With that in mind, what are we single folks to do?

Well, we first have to find our place in God. Love is a wonderful thing. However, with the wrong person, it can be a nightmare. It is important that we grow to a point that we are willing to allow God to lead us while searching for a life partner. It's not an easy thing to do but it is terribly valuable for our well being.

We must realize that God has a plan for each of us and that plan includes that mate He's created for us. Hearts Many of us, however, sell ourselves short and settle for the first brother who comes to church on a regular basis or a sister with a body that is "better than blessed". The difficulty in doing that is that we limit ourselves to our physical senses. When this happens, it is very possible that your mate can be more of a dead beat than a helpmeet.

As singles, we should desire that God bless us with a partner who loves Him first. In doing so, he or she can really help us get to the areas that God has designed for us. Please don’t be deceived into thinking that as long as two people are saved that life will be grand. There are still compatibility issues to address as well.

The man or woman that you are with may be a great prayer partner but if Jesus is your only common ground, than an emotional investment may not be the best manoeuver. All relationships should aim for balance. As a single man, I want a woman who loves God but doesn't mind laughing or paying attention to current events. Whatever your desire is for a mate, you should not settle for anyone less.

Understand that as single men and women, our aim should not be to get married but to please God. When God is pleased with your service, He can feel comfortable giving you a mate. Think about it. At your job, you don't get a promotion unless you do your current job well. If you're concentrating on doing any other job than your own, you run the risk of not getting noticed at your current position.

Many of us have that problem. We're more worried about trying to look or act a certain way to win someone's attention. If we concentrate on pleasing God and being faithful at our duties, God will be able and willing to promote us to a place where we can handle a mate. Many of us really aren't ready for a long-term commitment.

Why? Some of us still want to be Baptist Ballers, Pentecostal Playas, and Methodist Macks. Many of us can't give up our playas cards. However, that mentality keeps us unhappy. With the places that God needs us to go, we can't concern ourselves with how many people Hearts we're dating. If anything, our concern should be if we're dating the right one in God's eyes.

You have to understand that love itself is a ministry and it takes a special person to administer the kind of love that you need in a one-on-one relationship. The Shemar Moore look-a-like may not be able to give you what you need. He might look good on your arm but he could be hazardous to your health. We should aim to be with a balanced person.

I'm not saying that God wants you to have an ugly partner. That could be nothing further from the truth. What God does want is for you to have someone who will help take you to another level. You should also remember that while God is preparing someone to be your partner, He's preparing you to be someone's partner as well.

Don't curse singlehood. In the proper place, it's an exciting time for you to take advantage of God's opportunities. There is much to be learned at this time. Though relationships come and go, your true mate will come.

Be encouraged and know that God is watching out for you and only wants to give you the best. Just wait on Him and your Valentine will come.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

— editorial opinion by Gerard Bonner
February 12, 2000

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